I started the rough draft of this entry at 0110 in the morning at work the old-fashioned way, with pen and paper. As I am out and about and meeting new people and sometimes the people I know, pregnancy is a hot topic of conversation. Lately some of my interactions with people have led me to question my goals for labor and delivery. I find my self wondering if I am being unrealistic in what I would like to have happen.
First, I would like to say that I generally welcome advice regarding pregnancy, labor, and delivery. It's not like I have experienced it before. Every day is a new adventure. However, with that being said, I can't say that I welcome it from EVERY woman that I meet who has been through this miraculous process.
I don't think I can judge any woman's goals, make her feel bad about her decisions, or tell her "It's not going to happen like that!" Some decisions are personal/individual and should be made by the woman and her support person after educating themselves on all the options available. I feel that my goals could be viewed as unrealistic if I have not educated myself, have not prepared to make those goals achievable, and have not prepared myself for alternative options in the case that something occurs and I can't follow through with my plan. As for what these goals are, they are not important for the purpose of this writing. I plan to address them in a separate post.
Ultimately, the NUMBER ONE goal is to have a healthy baby!!
There are women out there (not every woman, it is not my intent to lump everyone into the same category!) who seem to view their birth experience as the only experience out there. Because they had to have a c-section, or pain meds, or had their baby naturally, for example means that no other woman out there can do it differently and if another woman has a different plan then they are being...unrealistic.
There are women out there who view childbirth as a competition, the who can top who with their "war stories". Saying, "I throw up every day after breakfast" to these women can lead to them saying, "Oh, well, I threw up six times a day throughout my entire pregnancy, why I even had to go to the hospital twice for fluid replacement." You will never win with these women, eventually you quit talking about your pregnancy at all around them because they aren't listening to you anyways!!!
Pregnancy, labor, and delivery are not, I repeat, ARE NOT, a competition!!! Each experience is unique to the person experiencing it. No two women have the exact same experience because each woman, each situation is unique, each baby is unique. Each experience has it's own mitigating factors that lead to the final outcome!
Now, with all of that being said, I would like to give a BIG THANKS to the women out there who have offered me good advice! These are the women who have shared their experiences with me and have also shared what they learned during those experiences. These are the women who have listened to my goals and offered ways they may have prepared for similar situations. There are women who I truly value their opinions because they recognize their birth experience as something unique to them and are interested in how I am making this a unique experience for myself and my family. I have learned about valuable resources to explore and different approaches to handling roadblocks that may come up.
For those women out there who are expecting or will be in the future let me say congratulations! I am happy that you get to experience something that will be very special and unique for you!
And...if I ever turn into one of those battle-wounded women out there, do me a favor: TELL ME!
