Rowan's Birth Story

Now that Rowan is two months old I figured it was time to get back into the swing of blogging.  The following is my labor and delivery story.  Don't worry there is no graphic images, but if one comes to mind, apologies all around!

First off, I have to thank my super wonderful husband, Bryon, for being there and supporting me.  I don't think I could have made it through without you.  I don't think I can even begin to express the depth of gratitude and love that I feel for you!  Thank-you feels almost inadequate.












Now, for the story you all have been waiting for!

As far as birth plans go, I had one.  That's about all I can say about it.  About 97% of it did not come to fruition, but since my main goal was to have a happy, healthy baby, then what does it matter when it's all said and done?

My water decided to break at home at approximately 5:40 p.m.  It was one of the weirdest feelings I have felt.  It was a small gush, almost like I peed myself.  In fact, I had just peed so I was wondering if maybe my bladder had decided to empty the rest of the way.  I went out to the living room and asked Bryon what it felt like when you water breaks (because it had totally happened to him before, right?).  The decision at that point was to keep an eye on things because I wasn't 100% sure that it was my water.  Then, I decided to go sit on the couch.  Gush again!  From there we decided to go into the hospital, but only after we ate dinner (which was almost ready).  We were telling Asher what the plan was and he asked me, "Are you sure you don't have the runs?"  This made me laugh and gush some more at the table.

After we ate, I threw the few last minute items I needed in my suitcase and we loaded up the car and headed to the hospital.  At this point, I was having contractions, but they were similar to the ones I had been having so I wasn't in pain really so to speak.  We were almost to the hospital and we saw a black bear!  My first live one out in the wild.  I wanted a picture but there were cars behind us, plus there were a couple of people that looked like they were approaching it for a picture.  Maybe it would have been a cool pic of "When Bears Attack." But I digress...

Anyways, we get to triage on labor and delivery and get all hooked up into monitors and such.  I'm still gushing fluid and we figure out that there is meconium in it.  Not good.  Then the midwife comes in and does my exam.  I'm not even dilated to a one.  She wanted to start Pitocin which I absolutely did not want.  We talked her into giving us time to get this labor going on our own.  The plan was to walk once I was admitted.  She reluctantly agreed to this.  The nurse came into complete my admission and that's when the holy hell! contractions came.  I could not talk, tears started leaking out of my eyes, I didn't want to breath etc.  Asher was still with us and he was so sweet.  He kept telling me how strong I was and that I could do it.  He made me so proud of him during the whole process!

Once my admission was complete, we were taken to the labor and delivery room.  I had a pretty sweet room.  It was humongous!  Bryon's friend came and picked up Asher and then we started trying to work on this labor process.  The contractions were hurting pretty bad (I think that is an understatement).  I tried the birthing ball for about 20 minutes. I tried swaying my hips for just a few.  Then I made the mistake of laying down.  Let's just say the walking never happened.  I tried as hard as I could to breath through the pain.  I kept thinking (and verbalizing) if the contractions would just stop for five minutes then I could refocus.  It was like as soon as one contraction would calm to where I could breath normal again another one would start.

I finally broke.  As much as I wanted a natural delivery and as much as I wanted to try the tub and stuff it didn't happen.  I thought if I tried the IM and IV Nubain first then I might calm down enough to be able to go the rest of the way without meds.  Well...it took like 30-45 minutes to get the meds ordered which feels like an eternity when you are in severe pain.  By the time I could get the medicine I had turned into...

THE PATIENT FROM HELL!

You know, the one you can hear screaming clear up and down the hallway.  The one that can't focus on anything or listen to anything.  I yelled a lot of curse words (luckily not attacking anyone or thing in particular).  Mostly I was just crying "Please make it stop!!"  I think they gave me some oxygen at that point because Rowan's heart rate was starting to drop.  The Nubain finally arrived and it helped for about 10 minutes.  Then the whole mess started all over again.

I was in the hospital all of four hours before I said, in a very controlled tone, "I...want...an...epidural."  To which I received.  I had to have the epidural placed twice because the first one only numbed the right side of my body.  After the epidural was placed, then Pitocin was started because I could no longer naturally augment my labor.  I was stuck in bed for the next 19 or so hours.  After my pain was under control, I kept apologizing to everyone, Bryon, the nurse, the midwife.  They all told me it was okay, that they didn't really have a problem with it, but, as a nurse, at some point (in the dark recesses of my brain) I would have thought that my patient was completely over-dramatic.  Would I ever admit that to my patient?  Of course not.

I was a much happier camper after some pain meds and three hours of sleep!

The next several hours consisted of resting in bed, watching movies, nothing too exciting.  There was a moment where I puked.  I drank a lot of Sprite, took some IV Zofran.  I ate a granola bar at some point.  There were a couple of times that everyone got all excited (in a worried way) because Rowan's heart rate decelerated.  Then everyone would help me re-position until it came back up.  Rowan did not care for me on my back at all, and he didn't so much like the left side (but I could get a couple of hours at a time over there before he acted up).  I got more boluses and stuff for my epidural (since I had one, I didn't think I should have to feel pain).  One of the CRNAs told me that I must metabolize the meds quicker than most.

Moving on to the exciting part...it was finally time for me to start pushing!

Pushing is harder than it looks.....

I think I pushed for about two hours.  I am so glad that they had a mirror because Rowan's head became my focal point.  They had to tell me not to push a few times to give him a break and let him recuperate.  It was so hard not to push during those times!  Another thing, and this is way TMI, I know, but it's part of the experience...I had poop that needed to come out!  Nobody would take it out and I resorted to begging even. They were all, push it out, and I was all, I am and it is stuck!  It was sooo uncomfortable!  The nurse and the midwife were trying to tell me it was the baby's head pushing on my rectum but I knew better....it was the poop.

-Moving on-

He was bigger than we thought he was going to be!

I finally pushed my baby boy out and the plan was for him to go right to my stomach.  Unfortunately, Rowan did not breath spontaneously so they had to whisk him away to the warmer.  The NICU team was on hand for the birth already because there was meconium in the water.  I could tell Bryon really wanted to go over there, but he looked a little torn and I told him to go see our boy.  The team suctioned Rowan's cords and then he had to have some PPV (positive pressure ventilation) via a bag-valve mask.  He became more alert, but not quick enough so there was talk of him being transferred to the NICU.  Everything was like tunnel vision and slowed time for me at this point.  Thankfully, he perked up and started to cry!  Meanwhile, I delivered the placenta and they had to give me some medicine to prevent hemorrhaging because my bleeding wasn't slowing like it should have.

Once everything was under control, I finally got to hold my little man.  I cannot even put into words the feelings that went through me at that moment.  It was one of the happiest moments of my life!  All of the hard work of pregnancy, labor, and delivery were totally worth it!

And that was how Rowan was introduced to the world! 

38 Weeks and Counting.....

I am officially 38 weeks today and I must say that I am ready for our baby to be born!  The swelling, difficulty moving, getting up constantly every hour of the night, the fact that it takes 10 minutes to get repositioned in bed...all signs that I think I'm over pregnancy.  Also, at Walmart yesterday this four year-old boy was telling his mom about my big belly and she was like, "Of course it's big, she has a baby in there!"

I went to my midwife appointment today and everything checks out healthy with our little Appleseed.  Heart rate good, head down, beginning to engage.  I was disappointed that she wasn't able to strip my membranes though.  She said I was barely dilated.  My cervix is about 75% effaced though.  Then she started talking about how first time moms can be a week late (which I know, but I don't want to hear that about me!!!).

In the meantime, I am attempting, (very carefully Mom!), to naturally induce labor.  I am going to try all sorts of things that can bring labor on, but won't hurt me or the baby if my body isn't ready.  Bryon picked up some evening primrose oil (recommended by the midwife) to start trying tonight.  If it works, it should help soften my cervix more.  Then there is nipple stimulation...we are using the breast pump, which holy hell, freaking hurts my nipples!  On the bright side, it does appear to make contractions occur a little more frequently.  I am getting another massage tonight at the massage place (the last one on my contract, so I am springing for a 90 minute session).  Of course, Bryon and I are trying acupressure on my feet.  If you are doing it right, it hurts, but my feet are more relaxed after and it does cause some contractions to occur.  Then there is everyone's favorite suggestion...have lots of sex.  Um, hello?!  I'm definitely not opposed to the idea, but I am nine months pregnant and I don't think I have the energy anymore for those crazy, constant, teenage-hormone-induced sessions constantly.  I am going to attempt to start walking everyday and see if that helps (walking around Walmart yesterday definitely wore me out though!)

Speaking of contractions, I had a few Sunday night that reduced me to tears!  I've been having them off and on, but none like this!!!  Thankfully I had Bryon there reminding me to breath because I totally forgot to.  It's hard to do some self-hypnosis for pain control when the contraction just comes out of nowhere!!!!  Then there is the round ligament pain in my inner thighs that strikes whenever it wants to, usually when I am walking.  I double over and everyone kinda freaks (except Bryon and Asher because they are used to it).  I just have to  say, "It's okay, I'm not in labor, I swear!"

So who knows when our little man will make his appearance but one thing is for certain...Bryon and I can't wait for him to come out and play!!!!!!

Am I Being Unrealistic?

I started the rough draft of this entry at 0110 in the morning at work the old-fashioned way, with pen and paper.  As I am out and about and meeting new people and sometimes the people I know, pregnancy is a hot topic of conversation.  Lately some of my interactions with people have led me to question my goals for labor and delivery.  I find my self wondering if I am being unrealistic in what I would like to have happen.

First, I would like to say that I generally welcome advice regarding pregnancy, labor, and delivery.  It's not like I have experienced it before.  Every day is a new adventure.  However, with that being said, I can't say that I welcome it from EVERY woman that I meet who has been through this miraculous process.

I don't think I can judge any woman's goals, make her feel bad about her decisions, or tell her "It's not going to happen like that!"  Some decisions are personal/individual and should be made by the woman and her support person after educating themselves on all the options available.  I feel that my goals could be viewed as unrealistic if I have not educated myself, have not prepared to make those goals achievable, and have not prepared myself for alternative options in the case that something occurs and I can't follow through with my plan.  As for what these goals are, they are not important for the purpose of this writing.  I plan to address them in a separate post.

Ultimately, the NUMBER ONE goal is to have a healthy baby!!

There are women out there (not every woman, it is not my intent to lump everyone into the same category!) who seem to view their birth experience as the only experience out there.  Because they had to have a c-section, or pain meds, or had their baby naturally, for example means that no other woman out there can do it differently and if another woman has a different plan then they are being...unrealistic.

There are women out there who view childbirth as a competition, the who can top who with their "war stories".  Saying, "I throw up every day after breakfast" to these women can lead to them saying, "Oh, well, I threw up six times a day throughout my entire pregnancy, why I even had to go to the hospital twice for fluid replacement."  You will never win with these women, eventually you quit talking about your pregnancy at all around them because they aren't listening to you anyways!!!

Pregnancy, labor, and delivery are not, I repeat, ARE NOT, a competition!!!  Each experience is unique to the person experiencing it.  No two women have the exact same experience because each woman, each situation is unique, each baby is unique.  Each experience has it's own mitigating factors that lead to the final outcome!

Now, with all of that being said, I would like to give a BIG THANKS to the women out there who have offered me good advice!  These are the women who have shared their experiences with me and have also shared what they learned during those experiences.  These are the women who have listened to my goals and offered ways they may have prepared for similar situations.  There are women who I truly value their opinions because they recognize their birth experience as something unique to them and are interested in how I am making this a unique experience for myself and my family.  I have learned about valuable resources to explore and different approaches to handling roadblocks that may come up.

For those women out there who are expecting or will be in the future let me say congratulations!  I am happy that you get to experience something that will be very special and unique for you! 

And...if I ever turn into one of those battle-wounded women out there, do me a favor: TELL ME!